Where Does Your Gas Money Go?
March 13th, 2008 Posted in MoneyWe all want gas prices to go down. So, I began wondering where does my money go when I fill up at the gas pump. So we brought in Special Gas and Conspiracy Theory Correspondent Joe Bennett to fill us in on where your gas money goes. Finding the answer to this question proved to be more difficult than planned. I had to do a lot of actual research and interview hard-to-find executives to get to the bottom of this story. So, here’s Joe’s findings!
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Hi, I’m Nikki Key and you’re watching the Daily Idea.
One of my personal goals this year was to live on a planned budget. I was doing so well and then gas prices soared. In order to stay in my budget, I decided to carpool to work with some of the guys. Although this plan saves me money, I am losing my mind listening to hair metal bands and lame fart jokes. I need gas prices to go down.
Since I try to ignore the guys in the car, I have a lot of time to think. And recently, I began wondering where does my money go when I fill up at the gas pump. So we brought in Special Gas and Conspiracy Theory Correspondent Joe Bennett to fill us in on where your gas money goes.
(Joe standing in front of gas pump)
JOE: Thanks Nikki…if that’s the real you and not a robot.
Where does your gas money go? Finding the answer to this question proved to be more difficult than I planned. I had to do a lot of actual research and interview hard-to-find executives to get to the bottom of this story.
(quick cut; Joe in conference room)
JOE: So where does your gas money go? Well we’ve got the answers.
And I did have these sweet computer graphics to display those answers, but the producers said the rising gas prices are cutting into our budget at the Daily Idea and I had to lose them. Likely story, producers. I bet you all just spent the money on your robot technology, so you could get rid of all the human correspondents. Regardless, here are the answers you’ve been looking for.
(pulls out poster board with pie chart)
According to this pie chart, 67% of your money at the pump is going to “The Man.” That’s right. “The Man” is lining his pockets with gas money so he can keep controlling the population and making sure you don’t get ahead in life.
Next, we see that 29% of the gas money is going to WOCSHAT, the World Organization of Corporations Stopping Hybrids And Technology. This evil conglomerate is out to make sure that our great-grandchildren will be driving gas-guzzling SUVs by stopping hybrid and other technology. On top of that, every Tuesday, this organization dumps gallons of oil onto endangered animals.
Finally, we see that 14% of the money you spend at the pump is going to Miley Cyrus. Yes, I said it. She’s everywhere and there’s nothing we can do to stop her. We can only hope to contain her.
So there you have it, Nikki. That’s where your gas money has been going. I’m off to a secret location to ensure that “The Man” or Hannah Montana doesn’t try to destroy me for revealing their secrets. Back to you, Nikki.
(Joe scurries away)
NIKKI: Did anyone else notice that his pie chart didn’t even add up to 100%? While he was doing his paranoid report, I discovered the actual answer to my question. About 52% of the money goes to crude oil suppliers, 24% goes to the cost of refining oil, 14% goes to government taxes, and of course, the cost of marketing, distribution and a number of other factors.
Well, who knows when the gas prices will go down? Until then, it looks like its Quiet Riot and ‘pull my finger’ jokes for me.
And that’s another Daily Idea.
