Daily Idea

Reality Check on New Year’s Resolutions

Well, we’re about a month into 2008. So, how are you doing on your New Year’s Resolutions? Looks like we should have resolved to start being honest with ourselves. We at the Daily Idea thought we’d review the year’s top ten resolutions and then mix in a little brutal honesty. Think of us as that fat picture of yourself you keep on the refrigerator.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hi, I’m Nikki Key and you’re watching the Daily Idea. Well, we’re about a month into 2008. So, how are you doing on your New Year’s Resolutions? Looks like we should have resolved to start being honest with ourselves. We all know how many Americans make resolutions and how many of us actually keep them. I think the ratio is about a thousand to one. Slightly lower in Alaska and Hawaii.

Well, we at the Daily Idea thought we’d review the year’s top ten resolutions and then mix in a little brutal honesty. Think of us as that fat picture of yourself you keep on the refrigerator.
Let’s get started…

1. Get a better job. Sure, we all want one. You think I like doing this 30 hours a week and waitressing nights at Red Lobster? I don’t. But if you got a new job, your new boss might not let you spend all day on Facebook or shopping online. It’s probably best you stay where you are and just keep bitching about how no one notices your contribution.
2. Quit drinking. So, this is the year you finally quit drinking? Hmmm, mmmm. So, when you quit drinking, you’ll go to bars just to smoke, right?
3. Oh, you’re going to quit smoking too? Well, well, well. Won’t 2008 be a healthy year for you. If you pull off both of those in the same year, I bet you get hit by a bus.
4. If you’re going to stop smoking, I guess we should mark “lose weight” off your list. You might as well go out right now and buy some new fat clothes. You’ll probably bulk up at least two sizes. Hey, the no smoking thing’s great. Your lungs will thank you. And once you’re tubby, your heart can do twice the work.
5. Let’s go ahead and mark “exercise more” off your list too. If you started using that treadmill, where would you hang your clothes?
6. Speaking of putting away your clothes, I bet you’d like to get organized. Lots of people would. But you’re way messier than everyone else. You should pray a tornado hits your house. It could only improve your situation. If you get super lucky, maybe a burglar will turn your office upside down looking for petty cash and actually throw some files in a folder.
7 and 8. How about a two-fer: Work less, play more. Work less? You barely work now. How could you possibly work less? I guess you could always get a government job. You’d look great in an orange vest, holding a shovel and smoking out on the shoulder of the highway.
9. Maybe that extra time not working would free you up to spend more time with friends and family. Come on. Who are you kidding? You don’t have any friends. And your family doesn’t like you. When you work late, your family’s at home pretending you’re out of the country and won’t be back for weeks. When you do come home, they’re secretly disappointed. It’s true. Now go drown your sorrows in some ice cream.
10. And that brings us to a resolution you can make right after you put a new room full of exercise equipment on your credit card: Get out of debt. Homer Simpson said it best: “The only way to get out of a hole is to dig yourself out.” You’ve bought more crap the last few years than a Chinese import company. If that’s a compliment, you need at least one more resolution I can think of, which is to improve your self-esteem. Now that we’ve pointed out all your faults, that will be a piece of cake.

Down shift into reality kids. High expectations only leave you farther to fall.

And that’s another Daily Idea.

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