2008 Almost Guaranteed Predictions
January 9th, 2008 Posted in Politics, Good to KnowIt’s that time of year and the Daily Idea has made their predictions for 2008. We’re so sure they’re correct, we’re almost guaranteeing them. We went all out covering the war, President’s race, all major sports champions and even Britney Spears!
FULL TRANSCRIPT
Hi, I’m Nikki Key and you’re watching the Daily Idea.
Well, gang, it’s January 2008. I hope everyone had a safe New Year. On that note, I think we’re all a little relieved Dick Clark didn’t shatter a hip on national TV. Dick Clark is 127 years old.
In fact, “I am Legend” is actually about Dick Clark and how he’s going to live to be the last human on earth. Daily Idea predicts Dick Clark lives to be 1,000 years old and when he dies it won’t be old age. He’ll get hit by a hover bus while jogging on streets made of pure hydrogen.
Speaking of predictions, the crack staff of Daily Idea put together its top eight predictions for 2008 for your viewing enjoyment.
Number eight, America will hit a full blown recession in 2008. Maybe you’re thinking, “Hey, aren’t we in a recession already?” Well, not exactly. People smarter than you and me have to agree on a whole bunch of economic indicators before everyone reluctantly admits we’re in a recession.
Based on my own economic indicators, all I know is gas is $3.50 a gallon, milk is $4.50 a gallon and I can’t find another job to save my life. And believe me, I’ve been looking. (pause and look disappointed) But TMZ doesn’t return my phone calls.
Anyway, number seven. The Patriots will win the Super Bowl next month. I know, I know, we’re really going out a limb here. So let’s take it a step further. Well, two steps actually. We’ll call the Boston trifecta with the Pats winning the Super Bowl, the Celtics winning the NBA Championship and the Red Sox winning another world series.
Still not impressed? Check out number six.
Tom Brady will be elected President of the United States…as a write-in candidate. His vice president? He doesn’t need one. He’s good looking enough to do both jobs.
Number five, we borrowed this one from our friend Pat Robertson, (reading from a card) “in 2008 there will be chaos and violence in the world.”
Wow, really Pat? Will the sky also be blue? Will the sun be hot? There was violence and chaos in the world in 2007. And 2006. And 2005. I think I’m going to need you to be more specific, Pat.
If you mean Switzerland is going to attack France with an army of skiers using fancy red knives and expensive watches, then mark us down as impressed. If you meant someone in the middle east is going to bomb someone else in the middle east, well, no shit!
Number four, Mary J. Blige will sing at halftime of every major sporting event this year. Wait, (puts hand to ear) this just in, according to her publicist, Mary J. Blige has agreed to sing at halftime of every major sporting event this year. Ha, not bad. One for one already.
Number three’s a little morbid, but it’s probably accurate. Daily Idea predicts Britney Spears won’t live to see the end of 2008. There’s no joke here. Just sad commentary about a former celebrity who’s about to self-destruct on national TV. Trust us, folks. Ain’t no amount of Doctor Phil that can stop that train wreck.
Number two, the summer Olympics will suck. They always do. Not as bad as the winter Olympics, but they’ll still suck.
And number one, you’ll lose 25 pounds this year. But you gotta forward a link to this video to five friends in the next 15 minutes and make a wish. We’re serious. Oh, and that Microsoft email beta thing will finally work out for you and you’ll get that $22,000 check.
It’s going to be a good year.
(Looks off camera) “Stacy, any messages? No calls for me? Nothing from TMZ? What about E?”
(now back to the camera) Thanks for sticking with us in 2008. And that’s another Daily Idea.
