How to Lose your Job in 7 Easy Steps

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Want to get the pink slip? Dressing for success has become such a high priority you can literally turn to any magazine or web site for advice? Instead of that same boring scoop, here’s our guide on what you should NOT do to look professional.Thanks to Clever Dude for the great information.

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hi, I’m Nikki Key and you’re watching The Daily Idea.

The saying is true, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Chances are you’ve heard your boss say that a couple hundred times. Dressing for success has become such a high priority for folks you can literally turn to any fashion magazine, newspaper or website to find advice on “how to dress like a professional”

Well, here at the Daily Idea, we think a little differently.

Today we’re not going to give you a list of what to wear written by the PR firm for a clothing store. We’re going to give you something useful. Here are some things you should NOT do if you want to look professional.

Just to be clear … you do NOT want to dress like this … unless, of course, you hate your boss, hate your job and just wanna stir the pot.

Don’t shave or shave badly. This goes for guys and gals. Fellas … leave a stray whisker or two … maybe even a patch. When you look like you’ve been attacked by hair lesions, you’re sure to turn off a co-worker or two. And ladies, get all woolly mammoth then opt for the mini skirt. Tell ‘em it’s Protest Razor Burn Month.

Stop using deodorant. Everyone has that one coworker with halitosis of the skin. You too can make secretaries gasp for air and birthday bouquets die instantly.

Proudly display your tattoos. And not just the one on your ankle! Go bare midriff and point out the eagle in full flight just above your butt.

Ladies … wear big, hoop earrings with charms. Nothing says “I want that promotion” like the jingle, jangle, jingle of miniature cow bells hanging off your head.

SANDALS! This is a particularly good idea if you’ve recently acquired a foot fungus. But make sure you sell it – Kick back in the weekly staff meeting and throw that athlete’s foot right up on the conference table.

Tight clothes. And I’m not talking try to look sexy tight. I’m talking, try to make sure you can see skin between the buttons tight. This is infinitely more effective if you’re fat and don’t wear undershirts. If you have on really tight pants, try to bend over and pick things up in front of others. Nothing sells it like a publicly split crotch.

Flip the tight coin and wear clothes that are too big. Go for three or four sizes to big. Make sure when standing relaxed, hands to your side, that people can’t see your fingers. When you walk by people in the hall, spice up the day by making windmills out of your sleeves.

Let that unibrow grow. If you need to pluck your eyebrows to look good, lay off for a while so folks can see you in your more natural state. Ladies, if you have a little upper lip issue, let that go too. There’s not a middle manager I know that doesn’t dig chicks with mustaches.

Don’t brush your teeth. In fact, go all out … smoke, drink lots of coffee and make sure to become a close talker. Oh, and randomly offer to make out with people.

And we saved this tip for the fellas. Monotone sneakers, matching backwards ball cap, ankle socks, oversized shorts and collared shirt, unbuttoned halfway down to show off your bling and your wife-beater … and don’t forget the Justin Timberlake chin fuzz … With that get-up you’re destined to be the bottom rung on the corporate ladder, that is if you keep your job, because that gear qualifies you as a tool.

There you have it: a handful sure-fire ways to look unprofessional at work. Again, we only offer them as an example of what not to do … unless of course, you’re over worked, under paid and don’t like your job much. If that’s the case … use at your own risk, but have fun, video it and send us the clips!

And that’s another Daily Idea.

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